theres so much that it seems so little. theres so much inside but very little outside. the outweighing reflection of the outside overshadows the inside and leaves me alone in a puzzle more complexed than it has ever been. so i sit and try to visualise it in a broader meaning, but i fail and start thinking of that warm lunch gathering at the cabin where they used to run and play.
the presence of passion is so intense but their memory evokes instant pain and quickly reminds of that last bite i took before i collapsed to the ground.
after it is complete nothingness, its like my life has stopped there.i cant recall anything nor can anybody tell me where they took them.I soar.

so its already past four, the weather had calmed down,and the smell of the spring breeze sways by and creates a beautiful aroma from the mixtures of flowers grown in the front yard.

that early morning he was taken back to where they robbed him from nature.
just the sound of the lizards reminded him of the churps of the birds, dont question how. but now u dont see them birds there anymore nor do u see much green, all u see are stones-though its part of nature,and thats why they think thyve still left them something behind..

feeling bad and guilt together is like releasing gas and striking a match

my baby girls..

hayati..

my life!

i know the exact joy shes feeling
i hope i do
i know i do
yet im not certain.
i never can be
i cant
even if i wanted to
so do u know the exact sadness and pain im in?
im not sure

i was young, too young
its a surprise i have a memory of it
me being showered by her eriday im back from kindergarden- if my memory serves me right.
then things changed
life as a whole changed
now, im thinking, just one phone call can destroy your heart.
eritime i hear the ring and then answer and hear the background,i get afraid to hear the voice,actually the tone of the caller.
becasue today the only thing that phone call left me with is a scar
its painful, but i still refer to it as a scar of love,as its only intelligible to me
tears..
its in me, that scar
shes always with me
always,and forever
through that scar and in my heart.
so today, id like to refer to it as 'birth mark' ,
becos brith mark is with u since ur an infant and till u die.
thats exactly how she fits in my life
i love you.

the cold air flowing out of my heart paralysed my surrounding.
it suffocated me and forced me to share a scream.
the pain penetrates deeper and creates a bag of tears. A bag of tears only significant to me
so i check where i can find comfort..

i didnt want to leave the room
i was pinned to the ground with a strong sense of magnetism playing about,
in that room, everything was wat i wanted it to be then,
the room temperature was just right to match the illness i fell into that day.
the warmth of his presence was a blanket over me.
i felt like a kid again..
the amount of obvious love and concern took the pain away instantly. the sign of worry in that fatherly calming eyes dripped a tear of unknown emotion.
at that moment he was playing both the role of a "father" and a "mother". i couldnt bare the weight of love that was imposed in me...it was too much.

i slept.
with his voice in my head, i slept
with my thoughts running in my head, i slept
i slept and woke up to the beautiful sound of azan
smiles....

the vision of blood gushing out all over in the surgery room disgusts me,
the vision of me in that surgery room excites me
the feeling of wanting to help people makes me happy
that is why my dream was to become a doctor

wen ur glass is filled with coke and u drink half of it and u then realise its about to finish and there is no coke left for u to refill, u get sad.when the glass is really empty its almost painful.
today, i wanna call emptiness pain..
this emptiness im encountering is pain
more painful than the feeling of not being loved
the emptiness makes me feel as thin as air
ofocurse, not in size.lol
the emptiness causes my fragility to be more severe
the emptiness yearns that vital component of my life
the emptiness created a huge hole in my heart
the emptiness drags me ten feet down to earth
the emptiness needs to be filled back
come back mum!
i miss u
i need u
i love u
i miss u so much......